THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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