apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
