sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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