Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
