Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
someone owes me an orgasm
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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