I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
