This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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