Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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