Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
