bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
