I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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