And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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