I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
