did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
