ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have fence marks all over my body
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
