She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize