I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
