My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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