that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
