Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
