You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
