Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
