We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
