super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize