dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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