I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
