At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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