we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
