I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
