turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
