How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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