dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
