Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize