Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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