I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
