I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
