I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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