What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
