Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Randomize
