Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I want her autograph on my taint
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
