It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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