Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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