Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
