do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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