Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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