6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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