He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
