don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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