my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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