I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
