Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
