Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
