wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
