Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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