i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
