You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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