I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
