i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
