i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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