my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize