Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
