He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I know her cup size but not her name....
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
