it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize