I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
