i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
