last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
