He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's official drugs can't kill me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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