Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
