He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
im holly from the hills drunk
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
