she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
