i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
God, I missed his penis.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
